Even before I read Atlas Shrugged, I had a deep seated dissatisfaction with the state of the world which wasn’t according to my vision. Forever manipulated and lacking what it takes to manipulate individuals, I was forever a slave to their will. However somewhere deep down, I feared I might lack the capacity to change the world. Life experiences & Atlas Shrugged finally taught me how to fight it. The means to fight it was by not giving the world that I hated the best of my effort. There were consequences. I came to realize my premises. I held on to contradictions as my premises. While fearing my own possible incompetence, I wished to change the world. So I pretended to obey while making promises I couldn’t keep. I tried to cheat the world and loot from them what loot from me.
I now realize that I did it all wrong. Either I have to be a serf, or I have to seize the world.
I fear the world, its people. It is that fear that is holding me back. Fear to try to live by my own terms. I wish I had the courage to do as I pleased.
These contradictions are at the root of my suffering, and I intend to end it.