Post-hoc analysis

The more I exist, the more I can't help that sense of awe and wonder about everything and my ability to be aware of it. I remember those days when I walked on the beach sand holding the hands of my parents, thinking that the mica in the sand were stars that fell from the sky. The winter solstice was windy and cool with clear nights, when my dad and I would watch man made low earth orbit objects. My uncle would decorate a tree in the wind which caught on as a meme since Boniface tried to disprove the legitimacy of the Norse Gods. I knew men were not evil by nature, and that evil was merely an irrational desire to make the irrational work.

Then came the darker years, when I was told my capacity for joy was evil, that I was evil because I chose to exist, and that I ought to sacrifice everything valuable to the incompetent, the divine or the social. I was told that love must be out of pity and not out of admiration. I was told to sacrifice justice to mercy. Something within me knew this type of world cannot work. But I could not identify what was wrong because I did not have the words like I do now.

I left that world sensing an impending doom. Once I was outside I realized I had been inside a nightmare. In the real world, evil was not naive. It had evolved means persist in the reality which would not let it be. And that the only way to destroy it is by refraining it the sanction of the victim.

I tried to free a valuable mind from the nightmare I woke up from. Unfortunately it did not work out. My failure plagued me. But it slowly dawned on me that I was wishing to be chosen, not obeyed. I also realized that I irrationally desired to exist in other minds more than in reality.

I understood those flaws now. Now I am on a mission steal from the irrational and give it to the rational. An enlightened Robin Hood of sorts. Of course it is very quixotic but since greatness can be chosen and since success is not serendipity I have no regrets about trying.

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