Recently I said something stupid in class and I failed miserably in defending my case. I embarrassed myself and came to my senses soon after about where I am in the pecking order of geniuses from around the world. I am not on that list! It seems almost miraculous that I am here in this university. Was it some kindaf mistake by the admissions office?
Anyways I have learnt the luxury of anonymity and being just another guy. But I am hungry for power and want to leave a lasting mark on this planet of my existence. I have realized I can’t have it both ways. Popularity comes with power and influence whether I like it or not. And by being popular you are more likely to embarrass yourself in public.
If I choose to be just another guy, I need to get married and leave my lineage before I go. But I would never want anyone like me in this world. I mean this place is tough. I know this sounds bipolar compared to my previous post. Hmm .. I don’t want anyone to think that previous sentence about me. How can I get everyone to only think nice things about me without forcing them to do so?
Perhaps I need to avoid situations when spontaneity is required. I should think and plan through everything before doing it. Or else I might embarrass myself. Social situations require spontaneity… Hmm I can see why dad was a recluse, and I should be too. But then why did he choose to make kids, did he not have any idea about how difficult it is here? Perhaps he hadn’t exposed himself to every situations to know that.