Love & Nightmare

I woke up at 6:30 AM (after going to sleep only at 2:30 AM) from an ominous dream involving the girl I have a one-sided love for. This is the first nightmare with her in it, so I am totally irrationally scared.

The dream is in first person mode. It starts off in a bedroom very much like mine and I am sleeping. I am pretending to be sleeping because I know she is in the room. She is wearing a modest white frock with black designs on it. From my lying down on the bed I can see the skirt as it reaches down just below her knees and she is waiting and walking back and forth. She is clearly stressed out by something. I can see that she has documented every communication she has had with everyone of the other boys who had a crush on her. There are so many of them, so she has some kind of library style numbering for each memory.

I can see file G 9 of her diary/scrapbook and it is an email from one of my professors requesting her to please stop playing silent on me because I am so depressed because she doesnt respond to me. She hasn’t replied to that email from my professor, but this is scary because my professor doesn’t know about her and I am wondering how this happened. And I see her on notes in G 9 that say the she knows my parents asked my professor to email her… and I realize she has made this note to herself with some amount of contempt.

She is still waiting for something and at times she sits on something while not walking back and forth. She is sad and stressed about some memory and she wants me to feel the pain and that is why she delibrately doesn’t respond to anything I write and she doesn’t talk to me (unlike the way she was talkative in prior dreams).

She now knows I am waking up, she is waiting, but I am slow. So she pokes me on my left arm and walks away while I wake up into reality.

After I woke up I quickly wrote an email apologizing for every stress I have caused for her (which I did by sending her countless emails, smses and unanswered calls) and I asked her to seek help if something else is troubling her. I told her that she is still the nicest person in the world, but if anything is troubling her she should seek help because all of are only human and that nobody expects to be anything more than that.

I’m really tired after visiting her pensieve. I think I will sleep now.

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