I am in NUS for the last one week now, and I had my usual cluster headache episode. And as it is generally the case after these episodes, the old love fever has struck me again for the Nth time.I can’t listen to songs, because songs remind me of her. I try not to think about her, but it is difficult. Everything thought seems to lead me to thoughts about her. It is like a disease, like the headache, with no cure.My stalking behavior seems to have rejuvenated after she stopped contacting me since last Sunday, and I found her house phone number and even more details of about her current place of stay, and her nearest relatives and friends.I will be trying a new technique to postpone my next episode. I will be conditioning into my own daily habits, a well defined sleep time. It seems cluster headaches seem to depend on Circadian rhythms, and that should explain why I get it every time at the end of a ~45 day period.I am really scared whether I would fall into the chronic cluster headache mode. People under such conditions are known to suffer this unbearable pain for many years at a go. Even the 5-6 day long pain I suffer seems to be almost impossible to bear. How do people go through such longer periods of time without killing themselves? May be such people, make it through by using a lot of love. Hmm.. I need to stick close to my parents. Should skype them every day.But in any case there is always the me who loves me for what I am. When I look into the mirror I see a man who has gone through what most people could take a lifetime to experience. And I know, I am not exaggerating. There is no need to be modest to myself or anyone anymore. I am arrogant and proud for what I have become and experienced. If my pride leads to my fall, like the Bible says, then so be it. I have enjoyed the humility of being a loser before, and I can do it again.