I hate this feeling

I heeded to some bad advice from my cousin and got myself disliked by the girl I have a crush on. I do not think she will ever want to talk to me again.Back at home, mom thinks this is dangerous and impractical. She goes own through a detailed analysis of such relationships highlighting everything bad that could happen from it. She narrates how everyone except her uses double standards while helping me decisions about my life. She describes how every affair has an underlying sexual desire component and how everything sexual is cacophonous and hated by the society. Finally she offers me a choice to go ahead or withdraw. I got scared & embarrassed, and I promised her that I will withdraw all my efforts into this matter. She asks me to never hold her responsible for this decision in future. I promised her I will never hold her responsible in future for “my” “independent” decision.I also tell mom that I will never marry anyone, and that I would pick a risky career path, for the thrill of it, by starting my own pharmaceutical company with my little knowledge in biology.Mom agrees to the latter condition, but I know she thinks, that I will end up married to someone picked up by her and that I would end up in a salaried job due to the constraints in life.Meanwhile, I ask myself: What has really happened between me and my crush? We chatted. Thats all. She did seem a bit more open to my obsession for her but there is a good chance she dislikes me now after that last nights nonsense. I shouldn’t have listened to cousin to fake myself into what I am not.I wrote her an email explaining my behavior. But would she take it seriously? She could conclude that I am just a loser, like I am, given that I have written her emotional emails previously. Does she read this blog? No way! Girls hate liars.. That is scary too.Speaking of fear… I am reminded of the wild cousins of domesticated sheep who are extinct because they refused to let human beings breed them. The domesticated sheep on the other hand received protection from predators, better diet and survived more. Loss of free mating is a trivial from an evolutionary point of view because it doesn’t hinder procreation. But as it has in the past with the canines, domestication & controlled breeding has always resulted in formation of subspecies within the species with a different and unique characteristics. And being different from the norm in social setting is a dangerous thing because you may get rejected.


2 thoughts on “I hate this feeling

  1. hey, hey, hey, crushes cum n go, yung man……just dun’t get “crushed” by ur feelins…..even dat ll cum n go….

  2. “I shouldn’t have listened to cousin to fake myself into what I am not.

    hello!!!! jack ass!!! dont ever bother askin me anything again in ur life!!!!

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